Celebrations of the new year means February is soon upon us! Most people think of February and the dreaded Valentine’s Day. Thought of as the Hallmark Holiday in some people’s eyes – it’s the time of year to buy your love’s affection.
Is society ruining our relationships with expectations? Romance is being portrayed as more important than true love. Infatuation and erotic love are viewed as factors in successful marriages instead of meaningful, lasting love.
Not to say that romance and romantic gestures should be dead but this is not all that love should be about. These gestures aren’t the only thing that will keep a marriage alive.
Everyone has heard the, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Meaning: “I care for you, but I am not physically attracted to you.” However, this may not be true.
Being “in love” with someone means nurturing of a relationship and not giving up because you stop feeling a certain way when really you have just stopped acting/trying on your relationship.
The ancient Greeks used three words to talk about love: Eros, Phileo, and Agape. Eros is the attraction (erotic love), phileo is the friendship and Agape is the commitment. These should be considered one and not three separate things like society has made it.
Love is a commitment. Think about it, love is an action verb meaning an action that requires… well action. You choose to be loving and to love someone not for a moment, but for a lifetime.
Did you know brain scans for mentally ill people show similar patterns to people who are “in love”. The infatuation or being “madly in love” is actually a physical illness.
You can’t love someone just by being infatuated with them. To love someone means acting lovingly, not expected a strong feeling towards them constantly. Cupid is not reliable!
Emotion emerges from acting in loving ways. If romance is primary, then you lose touch of love when there is no romance. However if love is used as a verb as it should be, the action of love will naturally cause romantic feelings to surface.
Don’t let Valentine’s Day make romantic feelings the goal. Acting lovingly toward your spouse is free. Love should not be bought or packaged in a tin of chocolates so on Valentine’s Day show your love instead.